Loud in the House of Myself

In a matter of hours according to doctors, my only uncle from my moms side will no longer be with us. Ive been up for what seems to be forever going from high hopes to complete numbness. I can’t fathom what is going on.two years ago I had to say goodbye to my grandma in similar circumstances.this if hard to sit here and watch the family fall apart. He is my moms brother, her friend and also my dads friend.they worked together for years and to see my dad breakdown was a very hard thing to see. I am so lost right now. But I take comfort in knowing that he will be with his mom again. :,( I love you uncle johnny.

Normal people usually get some kind of creepy satisfaction when helping the elderly…I however don’t.don’t get me wrong I love old people. Today while at work I decided to help this lady, she had a caine and looked like she was gonna break 10 minutes into guiding her everywhere she had to pee!!! I walk her to the bathroom mind you she’s holding my arm.I’m already feeling blah because old lady skin is all over my arm :( blah blah blah she does her business I open the door and put the water on for her and she says ”I WON’T WASH MY HANDS” I almost crapped my pants on the way out because she wrapped her foochie hands around my arm, her unwashed foochie hands oh god.that’s it hahhaha.

I’m going to be 23 in 2 months.ive got absolutely nothing to show for it either. The past 2 weeks ive been on the verge of a nervous breakdown. After my sudden death of my dog everything changed.I can feel my brain!!! I feel my emotions!!! My ache! I feel every fucking thing in this shit piece of world. Its like something was triggered and I really feel like I’m 1) bipolar 2) depressed 3) borderline personality disorder and 4) suffer from anxiety attacks. My world is collapsing before my eyes. I need a freakn break >:0 I know I sound self deprecating but I’m not I’m simply getting things off my chest, the truth.